met Dolph

Machines.

Not too bad if you know how to use them. A six pack of beer and a day's work is all it takes.

Dakotie.

Not as great as I thought. The air smells like rum and feces, but that rocks my boat just fine. It's a hard day's night that's a hard man's work.

My buddy Bill Winchester called to talk about money. You need to shut up Bill. Get back to work. Riboy haunts my dreams like the broken tonkas of my youth. That goddamn Czech princess.

There's a nice bar on Pearlamb Rd called Let Caution Die. I went there the other night to see if I could get over Riboy. It didn't work.
But I do have a story to tell.

I was drunk off my ass with near a bottle of Jack in me. I was busy looking to keep my cool and the band was busy kicking the shit out of my ears. I've got an epiglottis full of bees and naught to show for it. The band was Czech, of course. Just like my old Reebe. Mammaltop was their name.
I caught a blonde giving me the eye from four and a half seats away. I say half because her ass was that perfect in between size. And slim as a fucking hornet. I almost shit all over the bar like a crazed mexican but I didn't. I waltzed up to her. "Hey Skirty" I said. My vas deferens was a loaded muzzle on short burst rapid fire. "Can I buy you a drink?" Sure, she says. Sometimes I can be a handsome fellow, especially after a few. I sit down next to her and order two whiskey sours with a side of fries. "Are those for me?" She asks, pointing to the fries. I grin. "Nope, they're for the homeless guy outside. Would you like to give it to him?" That's right, I'm sensitive and shit. More to old Lunder than meets the eye.

We talk and eat fries for a while when a big blonde fellow comes up behind her. He leans between us and kisses her on the mouth while I sit and finish the rest of my Special. "Is he our guy, baby?" He asks in a heavy accent. She giggles and nods. He extends his hand to me. "Dolph Lundgren."

"Lunder, Donny."
"Hello Lunder, how are you tonight?"

Wait a second. "Just who are you, pal?"

"I am the owner of this bar. I am also a famous actor."
He looked familiar from those Terminator flicks.

I look over to the girl and he does too.
"Anna, were you leading him on?"
She smiles like a little elfin grinch.
"Lunder, I'm sorry, this is my wife, Anna."
"Wife, huh?" Can't say I'm surprised. Seemed too good to be true.

Dolph looks at Anna and she takes the rest of her drink and moves to the dance floor. I watch her leave and sip goodbye.

Time for me to go.

"See you around, Dolph."

"Yes you will, Lunder."

That grinning blond behemoth.

I walk out the door still a little doozied up and see the homeless guy. He's got a little tin to shake. I got somethin' better. Hey buddy- fries, want 'em? I put the fries down in front of him.

He gets up and throws them at me. My button-down's covered in ketchup. "Man, what the fuck you think I'm outside a bar for?" Welfare's got all these guys entitled these days.

I've got to call Bill Winchester back.